To my surprise he told me they had talked about this in the past but thought he just wasn’t what I was looking for. I then told him of watching Allen for any signs of excitement when we would horse around or when in the hot tub together. Pillow talking that night let me open up and tell my husband how I wanted his best friend to join us. Just the thought of it and I became wet. I want to fuck him so bad right then that I couldn’t stand it but I left it up him to decide if, when, and where. Little did I know that he had already planed this out in his head? He had thought of every way that we could do this with out anything going wrong. After that night I decided to be more open with him about guys I see and how they turned me on. It was our starting point for an open relationship that would be wonderful for a short time.On Saturday night we had been sitting around drinking, talking and relaxing. Hot tubs do that to me in a way that nothing else does. Around midnight James and I went. ’ ‘Peter!’ Elena was still being raped. That was how her mind saw it. She was in mental and physical pain and everything was disjoint and incoherent and her interpretation of all that what that the rape was still happening. Windy’s words flowed inward but had no meaning, Elena was largely aphasiac, but I could feel her fighting to rearrange the chaos and get meaning back. I took Windy’s wrist and moved it from Elena’s forehead. Windy tried to put it back but I held firm, and then Windy read better and understood. The touch was getting tangled in the rape memories, and Elena began to cohere better once the hand was gone. Once Elena got to a certain point, I spoke. ‘Cohere, coherence, focus on the sounds there is meaning there you remember it Elena, focus on the sounds and find the words underneath you will remember it is all still within reach, find the word and then the qualia and then — there! Hello Elena Windy is your friend and she will help you!’ Yes I’m crazy. I’m damaged in ways.
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